I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
