I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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