I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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