I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
