I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
