If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
