So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We don't watch enough power rangers
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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