I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
