I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
