the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
