Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
