just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
