He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
