I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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