She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Alive.
So much puke
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
