This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
