a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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