he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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