The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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