yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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