To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the liver wants what the liver wants
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
