it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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