My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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