So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
