ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
