OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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