i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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