did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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