oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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