What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
