You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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