Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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