I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
