i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
