Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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