I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
