Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My bed smells like the plague
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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