Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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