Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
