So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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