mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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