You're completely useless in the revolution.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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