I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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