so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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