Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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