you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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