i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
smell my finger.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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