She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
