i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
