You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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