So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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