Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
