There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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