I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize