Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
