why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
