Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize