Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
