I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
