this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize