there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
