I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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