I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize