Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
