dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
