im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
