I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
