Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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