I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
