went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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